To All the Boys I Loved Before.... The College Years
So lets just start this out by letting you know just a couple of things about my growing up. First of all, I was clueless about my body. Frankly, I was just uninformed but that can make all the difference to a young girl. My mother never gave me a clue about major chunks of the "birds and bees" so I kind of drifted through my early adult life kind of knowing what references were about but not quite getting it all. I remember getting my period when I was about 10 or 11 and I had no idea what was going on. I had almost no social contact with boys except for two very close guys friends (more on them later). I didn't date anyone in high school for two reasons 1) my mother forbade it (of course this never stops anyone - just watch enough teen flicks and you know) and 2) I was terrified of boys. My lack of experimentation in high school made me all the more clueless about exploring my body and the bodies of others.
So, when I arrived at my eighteenth birthday - I realized I needed to lose my virginity.
At the time, I hung out with a childhood friend, let's call her Grace. Grace was going to the local community college and met a guy in one of her classes. She thought he sounded like a lot of fun to hang out with and set up a group outing between his group of friends and her group of friends. We all hung out and had a great time. I started dating the guy from Grace's class with a clear goal in mind.
The guy - we'll call him "The Geek".
Description: About 5'9", Blond (he dyed his hair), much thinner than me, high achiever
The Geek was a very sweet guy. He was awkward, nerdy and cute. We didn't court for very long - I was going to London for a month at the end of the summer and he was returning to school in the Midwest. It was a perfect beginner relationship - no pressure, definitely not permanent. I really needed someone "safe" to start out with sexually. The whole thing was really exciting on some levels - sex everywhere we could attempt it, being caught by the local police force in very compromising positions, and learning to be comfortable with my body. On the other hand - I was still very self-conscious and terrified that I would make some kind of sexual faux-paus that would land me to be the main character in some urban legend for the rest of my days. We made no attempts at pretending that we would try a long-distance relationship - I wrote him a couple of times from London. For a while I felt really bad about the whole thing - I felt like I used him for my grand scheme. I found out much later that he has a thing for Asian girls.We vaguely keep in touch - we don't have that much in common. He is a lawyer with long hours and no life. He also has an Asian girlfriend.
Since we began dating he has been learning Chinese in order to communicate with my grandmother. And now, he is going to be participating in the Revlon Run/Walk in honor of my mother.
Unfortunately, his fundraising skills suck - so could any of you give him a hand?
Today is the two year anniversary of my mother's death. I am also starting to PMS. I am predicting mood swings and tears for the week.
I didn't have a great relationship with my mother. I loved her dearly, but the bridge between cultures was very hard to cross. We tended to occupy two completely different planets.
She was a five foot tall giant who scared the living daylights out of most people with her attitude. My mother was abrasive, bitchy and aggressive. I think that my mother was always in survival mode - she was always thinking of steps to keep her head above water. What she really wanted was to carve out a future for me. She worked all the time and only took one day off a year - New Year's Day. I am still floored by the fact that my mother stopped working only a month before she passed away.
When I look back and think about my mother now...she still tends to frustrate me. At least at this point I can look back on my relationship with my mother without breaking into tears.
I really don't want to hear about your fucking time share...
I had a slight mental breakdown yesterday. I have never been a person who is disturbed by other people's cell phone conversations...but I was pushed over the edge.
I hate women who feel the need to blab loudly about their fantastic plans for the weekend in public. First of all, it isn't as fantastic as you think .....cramming 16 people into three rooms in Las Vegas does NOT sound fun. And secondly, if you have to tell the entire room about your life....remember you don't have to shout into your cell phone for the person at the other end to hear you. I think that cell phone technology has improved enough that you can speak at a normal volume.
When I heard this news item this morning...I could hardly believe it. I don't care what item of value you happen to carry on you - it's not worth getting shot over.
The Greek I don't want these guys thinking they can have inflated egos if they ever peruse the internet for their names or anything....so I'll refer to M. as "the Greek"
Description: About 5'9", black hair, brown eyes. Very cute.
Time Period: A month during my freshman year of college.
I met "the Greek" when I was a freshman in college and he was a high school senior. He had very strict Greek Orthodox parents, who didn't like me because I wasn't Greek. He stopped calling me after a month which is the international sign for "I met a girl sluttier than you".
My first "relationship/love/stalker": Tony
Brief description: Was the kid in grade school that was REALLY annoying. Always had allergies and a dirty handkerchief. Very cute as a young boy. Shorter than me in grade school then shot up to about 5'9" or 5' 10" , brown hair, brown eyes, kind of nasally voice. Very smart and artistic. Average build, terrible dresser.
Time period: From 3rd grade to college
Tony had a crush on me all through grade school and junior high. In third or forth grade he created a game with his buddies where they would ambush me and run their hands through my hair while screaming "BUZZ!" Though I had to endure this mental torture in my early social development; I still decided I liked Tony. I had a crush on him and he had a crush on me....but we never did anything about it. Tony followed me around like a puppy for a good portion of my growing up. He used to hang around my mom's electronic store a lot with me. Eventually my mom just starting using him as slave labor. She figured if he REALLY wanted to spend time with me he may as well be working too. I think from about 4th grade to about seventh grade my journal entries consisted only of "Kim loves Tony". We stuck to being only friends no matter how much Tony tried to win my heart. Finally the summer before we all went to high school I gave in and we "went out" - it lasted a month and I freaked out and dumped him (commitment issues at 12 years old - who knew).
Somehow, we remained very close friends. Tony was one of my best friends in high school. When we finally graduated, we had one of those stupid "what if" conversations and it made me feel as if I had made some horrible mistake and that Tony should have been more to me than just a friend. He went to a college within driving distance and I went to visit him a couple times. We eventually fooled around and when it almost got to the point of intercourse I got really creeped out. I felt like I was making out with my brother.
When I think of Tony I get a little nostalgic. The friendship we had was really special to me and it makes me sad that I don't have that anymore. He was such a clean cut optimistic boy and he grew up to be a bitterly sarcastic grump - but that's Tony. We remained close up until recently. I was a bridesmaid in his wedding.
Favorite memory of Tony: When we were about twelve or thirteen, Tony drew a portrait of me with pastels and brought it to my mom's store to give to me. I was totally flattered but tried not to show it. When he gave it to me my aunt looked at it over my shoulder and said to him "You drew her breasts too big. They aren't THAT big!" I think we both almost died of embarrassment.
I was trying to console a newly single friend today with my stories of my adventures in the dating pool. I thought it would be fun to share.
My first kiss: "Vinnie"
Brief Description: Taller than me. Very much into his Italian heritage. Too much so. After this one kiss I avoided him.
Time period: Summer before I went to high school.
"Vinnie" worked across the street from my mother's electronic store at a small stationary store that his uncle ran. He and his family also lived behind my family. I was a fairly sheltered girl for most of my life and it dawned on me that I was soon going to be going to high school and I hadn't kissed a boy yet. With steely determination, I sought out a candidate that could get the job done and "Vinnie" was a willing volunteer. I remember my best friend at the time walked around the corner so I could get a few moments with him to make out. He had just had dinner and tasted like pasta. I remember being annoyed he hadn't thought to brush his teeth. I only had this one brief encounter with him and avoided him at all costs through my high school career.
