i'm lost in translation

I am so friggin lame...

I haven't been posting - I have been trying to have some "me" time and not have any more mini mental breakdowns. What have I been doing you ask? Almost nothing at all - walking the dog, looking for bathroom tile, shopping at Target for things I absolutely have no need for and started and finished an 800 page book.

I have been thinking a lot about my evening activities lately - I have gone from a total party girl to a hermit. This will be a shock if 1) you ever met me or 2) you simply saw a recent picture of me - that I was once a crazy party girl. I was that girl who went out on Friday night (no earlier than 11pm or 12am though) and returned somewhere on Sunday afternoon or evening (depending on how good the party was or how good the drugs were). My friend A. introduced me to extasy and we took off on this crazy clubbing/party extravaganza for about 3 or 4 years. I cannot tell you the amount of clothing I owned that was "shiny", "glittery" or "fuzzy" - I blame most of this on the condition I was in - my mental capacity was obviously not at it's best. During this time period I only listened to electronic based dance music. I'm sure that has added to the permanent damage to my brain. I knew not of any music that contained lyrics. What is even sadder is during this time period I somehow got a job in the music industry - and was asked my opinion on tracks and albums (I apologize for all the terrible music I may have had influence on releasing out there - really). Of course, my attitude toward partying didn't lessen while I was employed within the music industry - and I fear I became even more annoying from the added element - shop talk. Not only did I go out all the time to see bands, go to record release parties or post award parties - but all I talked about was my artists, gossip about the people I worked with or rant about my annoying boss. I was a walking nightmare in shiny pants.

A typical night for me once went like this: Gather together some of the pieces of clothing I deemed worthy of wearing for the weekend, get in car with A. and go to her friend's apartment- Lexie. (Just a side tangent on Lexie - she hated my guts. A. had a talent of finding friends that despised me - Lexie hated me because even in my drug addled haze I held more intelligence in my pinky then in her sad little brain. Either that or my boobs are real and she had to pay for hers.) At Lexie's , we would critique each other's outfits and possibly up the slut factor - then make our way out to whatever club, party or gathering we had planned on attending that evening. At said place - we would consume some extasy, drink tons of water priced at $10.00 a bottle and dance until about 5am. We would find some kind of after-hours event and continue our cycle until the weekend ended.

I honestly have no idea how I kept up the lifestyle for 4 years - and how I don't look like some partied out wrinkled freak. I don't miss my old nightlife - but I kind of wish that sometimes I could find a happy medium between total party freak and grumpy couch potato.

posted by Jin @ 2:16 PM