i'm lost in translation

Blah Blah Blah.......

I've been attempting a lot of posts but haven't been quite able to commit.  I think I've been in a bit of a rut and have been just trying to keep my life together lately. 
 
The boyfriend and I went out for dinner over the weekend to celebrate two years together.  I told a couple of people and they immediately went into the whole - "When is he going to finally ask you to get married?" bit.  Well - My mother just passed away two years ago, my entire life has been turned upside down, and I quit my secure entertainment job to go back to school to be a massage therapist - maybe I just have a lot on my plate right now and I'm just happy right now just the way things are.  Is that okay?
 
I can't even imagine trying to plan and pay for a wedding right now - I can't even plan and pay to have my moldy bathroom fixed. I somehow wound up watching a bit of "Extreme Home Makeover" last night and now I'm trying to figure out if there is any chance I can get on the damn show.   
 
I've also been having trouble writing out birthday cards for a couple of friends.  You know when you want to write something to someone meaningful - and all that comes out is crap?  I'm having that problem. One friend, J_,  is turning thirty in a couple of days. I've known J_ since third grade and we've had all kinds of idiotic adventures together.   He was really helpful and kind to me when my mom passed away and has always been a spectacular friend.  The other friend, S _ ,  I've also know for many years and isn't turning thirty quite yet (the bitch).  I wasn't speaking to her for a time period because ...well frankly because I was being a royal bitch.  You see, we had been friends forever and we had both kind of sank down into pits of despair together (broke up with boyfriends, lost direction...etc. ) .  But, she quickly sank out of the pity mire and I was still treading in the sludge - so I lashed out on her.  I found reasons to not like her and purposely hurt her.  But when my mother passed away - she stepped up and stood by me.   I was once very close to both of these people  - but now we make the occasional phone call and sit together at the occasional wedding.  Both of these people made a huge impact on my life...and their friendships sustained me in really awful times.  While our friendships are very different - I still treasure the friends that they were and are now.  It's just hard to express what I want in a card. 

posted by Jin @ 11:50 AM