i'm lost in translation

New Orleans Strip Club Story

A couple of years ago, I went to New Orleans for Halloween. I was assisting another manager (who was also a good friend of mine)at the management company I worked for to help her with a band playing the Voodoo Festival. The trip was fun but stressful - it rained the whole day of the festival and the people who ran the festival were complete idiots. When the performance was done, we all went out to celebrate.

Has anyone had a Hurricane? It's a drink that tastes like Kool-Aid and has some kind of ridiculous amount of rum in it. Well, I'm not that big of a drinker. I've always been a lightweight. But it was Halloween and I was going to drink one. I was very drunk very fast.

So now, the drunken troupe I was with (the artist's personal assistant, her boyfriend, the manager friend, and ex-boyfriend that I happened to bump into by chance on Bourbon Street) all decided that we should enter one of these cheesy strip clubs that lined Bourbon. And for some bizarre reason they decided that I should be the one to pick which one we went into. I immediately saw a very short, Hispanic man who was holding a cardboard sign. The sign was obviously just ripped off the side of a box and he was flipping it over his head. On one side,in very sloppy print in black magic marker, was written "Topless Women" and the other "Bottomless Men". This was the place to go.

Upon entering, there was a small rotating stage. On the small rotating stage was an enormous half naked woman...touching herself. We sat at a table and ordered drinks and the waiter told us that we probably wanted the back room. We walked though a beaded curtain to the back room which contained the "Bottomless Men". On stage was a guy who looked like he belonged in the cast of "Cats". He was wearing a mane of feathers and had body paint to make him look like a tabby. He was literally prancing back and forth across the stage waving his paws and making mewing/meowing sounds. I think at this point I must have been laughing so hard that I almost peed my pants.

A guy wandered over to my group who was the "lap dancer". The guy was trying to emulate sex appeal by wearing a pair of white boxer briefs. At some point my ex-boyfriend gave the guy twenty dollars to go to town on me and my friend - so the dancer decided to put his package on my face and vibrate. Now, I do this thing when I'm really horrified and embarrassed - and that is to scream. I was laughing - yet screaming. I think at that point I ran out of the club because the whole experience was so funny I thought I was going to burst.

*************************************************************
I was really disappointed on my trip this past weekend - I was looking for this place and couldn't find it!

posted by Jin @ 11:19 AM